(Photo by Zhang Ye, No Title)
Fast links to my Leaving-America-Journal series:
Farewell to Isla
I don’t know if you can understand my urge of wanting to be an American, but being an American is almost a personal validation. Being American means being a good person, for that the Americans I know are truly good people. I’m not saying that the crap that we did in the middle east, in South America, and the crap we are constantly doing to each other, are good. Nor am I talking about the concept of good morality of which there are about 250 years worth of philosophical literature that compose the confusion of modern moral philosophy. I am talking about being American, and I wish that that already meant something to you.
Before I flew out to Orange County, my flight was canceled and rebooked for weather issues. The inconvenience turns out to be a delightful gift. I called my friend Delina at the airport, and in a moment’s notice, Delina drove from Long Island to pick me up at Newark International, tucked me into her home as nightfall. The next day, she spent her entire day with me, and her child, Isla. We had a great time the next day teaching Isla riding a bicycle, playing “I spy”, and making star shaped crayon pieces. We let a good day be, and make the best out of the worst. That, I imagine, is what being an American should be.
I have known Isla since she was 2. When Isla was 2, she could barely speak, let alone having a discernible personality. Now she can barely stop speaking, and her personality has become increasingly annoying, of course, in a way that every time you say goodbye to her, the silence and her absence blends into a particular breed of sadness that makes you smile. Her noise, and constant chattering, is almost my metaphor of New York as I leave. New York, especially in the summer, always has some chatter of different accents, day in and day out, that, strangely, makes you feel normal and human as much as annoyed.
That night, after tucking Isla into bed over the turbulent moments that are significant to a child, Delina and I talked about power, and we talked about humanity. It was an unusual conversation about power. Usually when people talk about power, they think about equality. But that night, we can’t talk about equality, because there can be no equal power between Isla and Delina. The child could not survive the responsibility were she trusted with the same power Delina has. Power and equality both meant something quite different the night before 4th of July.
For many good Americans who didn’t turn a complete blind eye to our neighbors’ presence, we grow suspicious of power. We thought, power can only be used as a means to dominance, for, otherwise, how could there be so much dominance between men? We question: does the universal salvation of humanity lie in the final elimination of power? Some of us are even willing to sacrifice everything human in exchange for the final elimination of power, for whatever that could mean.
But power is always there as long as one human being has something another human being wants. Power only becomes dangerous with the logical application of it in a capitalistic society: to use power as leverage for something in exchange. When one person has significantly more power over another human being, the capitalist logical application of this power leads to domination: when one person has everything another person wants, and still more, he/she should leverage his power to exchange for everything the other person has. But I have ceased to believe that capitalism is the only thing Americans have to offer.
Delina obviously has power over Isla, and Stefan also has power over me (I’ll tell you about Stefan in a bit), but power doesn’t necessarily transform into the domination of a human being over his/her underling, nor does it necessarily turn into debts that could never be repaid. Power can be used to create something beautiful that makes everyone who experienced it human again for a short eternity. That, is a special gift Americans have.
Domination in the United States is bad, but if there are any people in the world I would trust my power with, it would be an American. In New York City, the domination of one human being over another human being can be so obvious that you will feel a part of you falling off if you turn your head around. And everyday you have a part of yourself peeling off. Everyday, you catch a glimpse of some sad story tucked away in the corner of a subway train, as strangers move from one corner of the magnificent City to another. But nonetheless, I refuse to believe that the failure of the public space is all that there is about being an American. I still believe that being an American means being someone who is unquestionably good.
Power is always necessary between human beings. But what is necessary doesn’t mean that it has to be essential. My friendship with Stefan grew over the past three years to become what it is now. When we first met, we both had things to offer to each other. Our powers were equal. But now, our relationship is solely maintained by Stefan using his power to keep me around as an equal. We met because of our common interests for motorcycles. At first, I had the knowledge of an experienced rider and a mechanic; Stefan had the money and the determination to learn the craft of motorcycling. Over the past 3 years, I have gradually taught him all the necessary know-hows of motorcycling. If friendship is nothing more than a smooth and fun transaction of resources between parties of interests, our relationship would have gradually faded away. But it turns out things are not as materially driven as America’s opulent cities and fabulous suburbs suggest. Despite not having been riding a motorcycle for the past year, I have never ceased to be a guest at Stefan’s house. It turns out, the most important interest between people are our characters with which we inspire each other, with which we made each other see and be seen, with which we made each other feel human.
The only thing that I secretly wish for, is another cancellation of my flight on 4th of July. How I missed the fireworks of Jersey City lighting up a smile on Isla’s face!
July 21st, 2023
Kado
Photo by Zhang Ye//@sh.bos.ny
Great post Kado, thank you!